Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
