Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
honey bunches of taint.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
