was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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