You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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