Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
