The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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