we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
