thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
