Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I cannot find my penis.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
