her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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