The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
what day is it and did you see me today?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You were trust falling into bushes
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
