Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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