We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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