we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
