am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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