last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
