My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
