so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
