i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
