Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
