yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
