We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
