you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
