Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
