Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
