i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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