Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
