My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
