are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
