Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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