Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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