Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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