i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
