I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
