Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
