I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
