the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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