i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
