He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
