is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
