Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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