I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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