help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
