My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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