rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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