Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
