Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Randomize
