dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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