so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
