There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
