What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
