I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Randomize
