no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
