This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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