i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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