I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
