sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
