About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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