Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
