I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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