Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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