I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
