so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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