that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
