I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
