Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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