Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
