I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
