Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
