what day is it and did you see me today?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
