We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
