Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My liver just broke up with me...
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize