exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
